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Soon, in a matter of less than two weeks, I will disappear.
You will not find me when you see me. It's not me when you find me. And when you ask me, you know it's not me. Because I am somewhere else and in such a form that you cannot recognize.
You will call my phone but you will not get me. Because the other life form does not want what belongs to me. That includes my friends. And likewise, I will not want the past of my other life form and that would be the best for both worlds of me.
And if you do see what you think is me, do not be puzzled when it does not appear me. As I told you, I am not me, though I am me. But you won't know where me am because you can't find the I in which the me is embodied.
And because the I may not want to continue on the tradition of this blog and that me cannot continue this blog, this may be one of the last messages you will see in the blog. And I can't do anything about it this time.
And so goodbye my friends, perhaps till next week we'll still be in here. Do not trust me when you see I and dun be surprised when you are greeted by me. When you may find I in the same old den, then tell him that you are my friend.
The info is stored in the brain but how the I or me uses it is still a big question mark.
And thank you for those who have followed this blog, whom I had befriended and whom I have loved. And in a confusing note for you, perhaps, this has to end. And perhaps this means our paths will become parallel and henceforth will not coincide. You may still have possible intersecting roads with I though. And as I disappear from you in what I would deem as a permanent fashion, if it be and if it works, goodbye. Really, goodbye.
Thanks for the memory and the songs. When I'm gone, do miss me.
You won't be able to understand because this is really weird even to me.
But maybe two weeks later, I'll not be around here anymore to continue with another issue, even though I am really here. But I'm not me or who you think you'll see. But then again, the whole thing might not work. I only thought such things will work in movies or what not.
On a lighter note, I had a great holiday alone. Not toolong, and not too short either but definitely could have been better...
I hope all of you will miss me when I'm gone k. I dunno whether I've made a good decision over this. Sounds absurd. But then again, ....
我的歌20大 第70期 | 最高 | 停榜期数/演唱者 | |||
1 | (2) | 善男信女 | 1 | 6 | 萧敬腾 |
2 | (1) | 魔鬼的眼泪 | 1 | 5 | 永邦 |
3 | (4) | 灰色的彩虹 | 3 | 6 | 范玮萁 |
4 | (6) | 谁 | 4 | 4 | 蔡健雅 |
5 | (11) | 永远的朋友 | 5 | 3 | 陈伟联 |
6 | (9) | 给你 | 6 | 4 | 陈弈迅 |
7 | (12) | THANK YOU | 7 | 3 | 言承旭 |
8 | (3) | 无赖正义 | 3 | 5 | COLOR |
9 | (14) | 相爱后动物感伤 | 9 | 2 | 张惠妹.阿密特 |
10 | (16) | 流转 | 10 | 2 | 李玟 |
11 | (13) | 锁住时间 | 11 | 3 | SHE |
12 | (10) | 和你一起 | 1 | 8 | 许茹芸 |
13 | (5) | 不屑 | 1 | 9 | 小鬼 |
14 | (-) | 隐形纪念 | 14 | 1 | 蔡淳佳 |
15 | (18) | 白白的 | 15 | 2 | 张韶涵 |
16 | (7) | 爱一直存在 | 1 | 9 | 梁文音 |
17 | (-) | 信心旅行 | 17 | 1 | 何耀珊,林俊杰 |
18 | (-) | 抛物线 | 18 | 1 | 蔡健雅 |
19 | (8) | 这句话 | 4 | 6 | 周笔畅 |
20 | (15) | 这就是爱吗? | 2 | 7 | 容祖儿 |
我的歌20大 第69期 | 最高 | 停榜期数/演唱者 | |||
1 | (5) | 魔鬼的眼泪 | 1 | 4 | 永邦 |
2 | (6) | 善男信女 | 2 | 5 | 萧敬腾 |
3 | (7) | 无赖正义 | 3 | 4 | COLOR |
4 | (10) | 灰色的彩虹 | 4 | 5 | 范玮萁 |
5 | (2) | 不屑 | 1 | 8 | 小鬼 |
6 | (11) | 谁 | 6 | 3 | 蔡健雅 |
7 | (1) | 爱一直存在 | 1 | 8 | 梁文音 |
8 | (4) | 这句话 | 4 | 5 | 周笔畅 |
9 | (14) | 给你 | 9 | 3 | 陈弈迅 |
10 | (3) | 和你一起 | 1 | 7 | 许茹芸 |
11 | (15) | 永远的朋友 | 11 | 2 | 陈伟联 |
12 | (17) | THANK YOU | 12 | 2 | 言承旭 |
13 | (20) | 锁住时间 | 13 | 2 | SHE |
14 | (-) | 相爱后动物感伤 | 14 | 1 | 张惠妹.阿密特 |
15 | (8) | 这就是爱吗? | 2 | 6 | 容祖儿 |
16 | (-) | 流转 | 16 | 1 | 李玟 |
17 | (9) | 你爱怎样就怎样 | 1 | 6 | 萧闳仁 |
18 | (-) | 白白的 | 18 | 1 | 张韶涵 |
19 | (12) | 属于 | 12 | 3 | 范晓萱 |
20 | (13) | SHINING | 13 | 4 | 大嘴巴 |
If life is partially suffering, then now my suffering cycle has to do with workplace suffering and I'm sure you'll know how horrible it is if you ever had such an episode and experience when you start work or even in the army.
Sometimes it's the ego thing.
And when ego clashes with a sense of helplessness because there is no choice, then the sense of horrid horrible overflows and oozes into the being and it floods into your other selves like mad and cause your whole day to be tainted.
No matter how I look at it, I still cannot resign yet. I will then deviate from my original goal. But my whole face is swollen already from swallowing all the tears of fury and such.
(A line on knives has been deleted here).
$54,000... that's the shortfall now. It's not a lot but seems like years away...
我的歌20大 第67期 | 最高 | 停榜期数/演唱者 | |||
1 | (3) | 爱一直存在 | 1 | 7 | 梁文音 |
2 | (1) | 不屑 | 1 | 7 | 小鬼 |
3 | (2) | 和你一起 | 1 | 6 | 许茹芸 |
4 | (6) | 这句话 | 4 | 4 | 周笔畅 |
5 | (7) | 魔鬼的眼泪 | 5 | 3 | 永邦 |
6 | (9) | 善男信女 | 6 | 4 | 萧敬腾 |
7 | (10) | 无赖正义 | 7 | 3 | COLOR |
8 | (4) | 这就是爱吗? | 2 | 5 | 容祖儿 |
9 | (5) | 你爱怎样就怎样 | 1 | 5 | 萧闳仁 |
10 | (16) | 灰色的彩虹 | 10 | 4 | 范玮萁 |
11 | (13) | 谁 | 11 | 2 | 蔡健雅 |
12 | (18) | 属于 | 12 | 2 | 范晓萱 |
13 | (17) | SHINING | 13 | 3 | 大嘴巴 |
14 | (19) | 给你 | 14 | 2 | 陈弈迅 |
15 | (-) | 永远的朋友 | 15 | 1 | 陈伟联 |
16 | (8) | 圆舞曲 | 4 | 6 | 徐佳莹 |
17 | (-) | THANK YOU | 17 | 1 | 言承旭 |
18 | (12) | 走路回家 | 12 | 4 | 品冠 |
19 | (11) | 分手的情书 | 4 | 7 | 陈伟联 |
20 | (-) | 锁住时间 | 20 | 1 | SHE |
In fact, I am having such a terribly bad cold today I must have sneezed at least 40 times within 5 hours. My nose kept running like a tap and there were no apparent sympotoms, it all just came and blew and BOOM, I have a full blown flu...
I remembered I used to have flu very often in the past and still go to the ktv. It just occurred to me that I have not sang in KTV for 5 mths and I guess it'll be very unlikely for me to do so until I don't know when. My entertainment cost has dropped by $100 on average and I guess very soon, I will be able to survive without any form of entertainment.
Perhaps my only form of entertainmnet left is playing POGO. I guess by the end of the next week, my tokens will hit 4 million, which is an auspicious number. But 4 million tokens earned is not a lot given that I have played POGO games for more than 8 years. If only the points can be exchanged for real cash, like 100 tokens = 1cent, I will be like so much richer.
But money is not so easy to earn too. In fact, my luck is not at all fantastic. Would you consider always missing by 1 worse luck than not even close? I don't know how to define this but I am seriously making losses in every aspect of gambling.
Ahhh, but I have survived worse streaks of bad luck before. This shouldn't be anything.
Like I have been through worse patches of relationships. I should be thankful now that sediment has settled and we can siphon the slag.
Perhaps life offers you and I with so many cycles. The bad luck cycle is back as with the cycle of bad work emotions. Then they will pass. I am not in a foul mood now, just in the low. And perhaps my high is coming in a jiffy. All I need to do is just to look forward. I look forward to seeing you again.
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This is the examination week and teachers like ourselves will be trying to key in results amongst other things. In my case, I had an exhibition to settle before the next Friday ends - this includes getting the printers confirmed, the designs confirmed and everything settled for the "big" exhibition on the 2nd of Oct.
While keying in the results, I realized my list only contained 30 names when in fact there were 31 students. Just to make sure, I went to tally the list and found this student T missing from my list. I emailed to his CA to ask if this student had dropped out as is mostly the case.
But no, I was shocked and sorry to learn that the said student was no longer in my list because he had passed away Early August.
To tell you the truth, I had no recollection how T looks like but I felt upset nonetheless. According to my attendance, he actually attended a few of my lessons but I could not put a face to that name. I tried to go to the floating register to see if the register contains any pictures of the students in the class but there wasn't. His name was struck off the register of every page with a thick red ink that hurts.
I am puzzled why the other classmates did not mention anything about this when I called his name to mark attendance during mid August. And perhaps it's sheer morbid curiousity, I was wondering what may have caused his death. But I was ashamed that I could not remember his face.
About a year and three months ago, the chicken rice stall guy at our canteen also died in a car accident and it was so abrupt. I guess he was younger than me for sure. And I remember him talking to the students at his stall a day before.
Death to people around us, whether we really are their friends, hurt. Do we need someone to lose his or her precious life before we learn how important people around us actually are?
Dear T, I am not sure what kind of teacher I am to you but I will remember your name and I want to tell you that you are my teacher too, for many many many days to come.
就已经成了书橱里的一个摆设.
若再没有能力给谁任何交代,
偶尔想象你会在哪里做些什么就好,
不需要拿什么勇气去问,
陈欣怡是对纪存希这么说的.
祝福是仁慈的,
时间是有愈合能力的.
它把我们的故事冲淡了,
甚至连你的电话也忘了号码,
原来取代和代替是很不一样的.
你身边的朋友有对你说吗?
纪念品,那是我们的孩子啊!
